The fogginess has lifted although it's still floating around above. Like it's just waiting to pounce if a weak spot opens up. It's like the fogginess knows grandma and grandpa's memorial is coming up. So, its just hanging around...waiting. Also, I still have not discarded the kitties bed, water bowl, or food. I moved it to a different spot, but I just can't seem to empty the water bowl and put it away. I covered the kitty door that leads to their litter box with the office shredder. This way I don't have to see it every time I walk into the office and considering I work from home I do a lot of walking in and out of the office. Thankfully Jake doesn't really know their gone and doesn't ask although yesterday he said, "Mommy, we don't have anymore kitties." Ugh.
The past few weeks have been about breathing and meditation to quiet my mind, re-educating myself with an anxiety program, listening to some tapes, therapy, exercising faithfully, eating better, cutting out caffeine and sugar, and keeping busy by cleaning underneath the bed, the hall closet, and rearranging the office. Lastly and most definitely not least, all this with the amazing and very loving support of my husband. It's working and all without Valium. Not once. Oddly though, I find as the anxiety dissipates I feel more willing to take it. Strange huh?
The lesson here for me is that if my mind is so powerful to throw me into all that angst then my mind is powerful enough to get me out.
I'm staring that bitch right in the face!
I am so sorry for the difficult time you have been going through. I think that God allows us to compartmentalize so that we don't have to deal with all the pain at once.
ReplyDeleteI takes a long time to get over some of the losses you have suffered.
Hang in there, baby!