Snowflakes for Sandy Hook

The tragedy that stormed Sandy Hook Elementary is a horrific event.

Normally, when national news strikes I can't get enough. My OCD kicks in and I compulsively watch news broadcasts, read newspapers, and track down every single bit of social media written.

This time it's different.

The information is so incredibly heartbreaking that I cannot read or watch the coverage without falling apart. I feel nauseous with sadness. When other events have occurred and my husband and I are watching TV together I want him to stay at every news channel so I can get the latest news. Not this time.

I am deeply saddened, disturbed, angry, confused, and so many other emotions. I don't know what to do with them all. If you are having these same struggles and just want to do something, please go to Snowflakes for Sandy Hook. If you need a snowflake tutorial, go here.

God bless you and your loved ones.

Helpless

I read blogs and feel so helpless. I want SO MUCH to do something for these people. I want to send them money, pay off their mortgage, find them a job, talk to Extreme Makeover, etc. Sometimes when I read them it makes me sad - like emotional sad. What is that?

Let's take for example - Moodymama.com - I have not a clue how I happened to stumble upon her blog, but I got hooked because she talks about bipolar illness openly and freely. I type some of that stuff for work and find it fascinating to read how she raises six kids, is still in love with their father, her husband, and lives with bipolar illness. One of her children just recently was diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. Sadly, there is a possibility he will not make it to thirty and right now he is six. The thought of that tears me up and I don't even know these people. In addition, I want to have enough money to be able to send her $1770 because they just received a bill for genetic tests AFTER insurance paid their “portion.”

Another example - the medical reports I type. Some of these patients are just plain - suck the system for all it's got because they could give a flying f*** about anything but themselves - kind of people. However, there are others that follow every rule, do exactly what the doctor asks, yet continually get hammered by all the other elements life throws on their plate. It makes my heart ache. I just want them to come to their doctor's appointment one day and have the doctor say here is a check. Go and buy yourself a car in good working condition so you can get to and from your doctors appointments and work, be a mother to your children, and live a full life.

I don't even want anything back or recognition. I just don't want to feel helpless.

Hooked

You know when you find a blog and you see a story unfolding and you can't help but continue to return because you have to find out what happens? Sometimes it turns out to be a very moving experience. The kind of experience that slams it all into perspective, quickly.

This is the story of Anissa. On November 16, 2009, she wrote this. She is very witty, warm, and creative. If you read through her blogs she'll have you laughing, guaranteed. On November 17, 2009, she had a massive stroke. She has three children, her youngest just reaching one year of remission from childhood cancer. Yes, you read that correctly - cancer - childhood. Whenever I read this blog I break down because I cannot imagine this kind of heartache. I have had my share of heartache, but this? Those kids? Seeing their mother like that? Really? Why? Tell me - why? Anyone?

Her husband posts updates here. The website Anissa used when her youngest was struggling with cancer. In these posts he describes the communication between them even though she can't speak, but he can see it in her eyes. She seems to be aware of her surroundings, but it's like she's trapped inside because her brain isn't sending the proper signals so she can communicate or move.

Lately, late at night, almost every night since I found Anissa, when the house is quiet and everyone is sleeping I think about her, her kids, her husband and I talk to God about her. Then I thank him because while I lay there feeling the warmth of my loving husband beside me, the in and out breathing of my children across the hall, and the rustle of the hairy beast nuzzling his snout into his bed - I know I am incredibly blessed.

9/11

Today, I am going to pick the little guy up early and go to 7-11 for a slurpee...because I can.

Keeping the boys and girls in my prayers whose mommies and daddies cannot.

God, give us grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.

In Memoriam

to the icons of my lifetime

Ed McMahon

Farrah Fawcett

Michael Jackson

God Bless

Heather

This is a fellow mom and blogger, Heather. She is in the fight of her life trying to kick Stage IV Melanoma Cancer in the ass. I connect with her because I feel like this could be me.

When I was younger I used to worship the sun. I would slather myself in cooking oil and literally bake myself - I'm shuddering at the thought. In my 20s and early 30s, as if baking in cooking oil out in the sun wasn't enough, I would go to tanning salons. The tanning bed was a nice little 20 minute power catnap in the middle of the day. It was so relaxing for me and who doesn't look better with a tan? I stopped about six or seven years ago. I miss it.

These days I make trips to the dermatologist for mole patrols and it freaks me out every single time.

This past week Heather has been at MD Anderson in Houston, Texas and away from her babies Kyle and Ella. She sure could use some prayers!

Annabelle

According to the doctors this little girl wasn't supposed to be here. Now, almost a year later - here she is on her first Easter. She has defied lots of odds and continues to grow into a strong little girl. Today she is having surgery on her little club feet. Please send warm thoughts and prayers for her and her mommy and daddy.