Relationships

I read a blog today that made me think about what makes my relationship with this man work this time around. Is it me? Is it him? Do we work on it together? Is it the love we have for each other? Is it because we are older? Obviously, it is not one thing exactly, but more than likely a combination of all these factors and more.

I have had three relationships that could have ended in marriage. The first one - that post should tell you all you need to know. The second one - I take a lot of blame for it not working. I was in no uncertain terms - a bitch - and struggling with that relationship. I wasn't honest with him about who I was and when it started to unravel I had already moved 45 miles from everything I knew and loved. I was falling apart at the seams. Not to mention my dad had just died and I hadn't dealt with all the emotions that went along with that loss. Sadly neither of us knew what was happening. So, I was left to figure it out in a new town all by myself. I must say that gives you lots of time to reflect and take an introspective look at yourself and your life.

I learned a lot during that time and when this last man <-- THERE is the big difference, because the last guy is a man and all the others were dudes - BIG DIFFERENCE - Anyhoo, when the last guy came around it tested me like nothing I have every known. I suddenly found myself working to make sure I was fair and coming from a place of honesty and love, both for myself and him. Today, when I argue or disagree, I don't ALWAYS have to be right - it helps - but it's not the most important anymore. It used to be vital even when I knew I was wrong, and I learned that kind of thinking will chase anyone away. Maybe that's it - maybe I didn't care if I chased the others away and felt differently about this one. I wish I could pinpoint it so I could then share some kind of magic formula with others so we could all be blissfully in love.

Then again...talk to me tomorrow when the only thing he can focus on is the Lakers game.