Church

Today I went to church service, just to go, for the first time in...you know I really can't say because it's been way too long...years and years. I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school. My studies were centered on religion and it was mandatory that I attend church. I think, in a way, I felt forced to act and obey by certain rules. What kid likes that? So for a long time, when the choice was mine, I stopped going. Mistake? Maybe, but I'm learning things differently now.

I've been looking for something for my two-year-old. I want him to have some sort of higher belief in life. I don't care if it's Judaism, Catholicism, Kabbalah...don't care. I just want him to have someone to talk to when he feels he can't talk to anyone else. Why would I feel that way? About five years ago I was struggling with some anxiety. I was scared and wasn't sure where to turn. By this time in my adult life I had already moved about an hour away from everything I knew. One day, while struggling with this angst, I spotted a church St. Paschal - Saint, huh? That rung a bell so I turned the car around and pulled into the parking lot. Oddly, I could feel myself becoming nervous. I apprehensively approached the church and walked through the doors and within minutes I was crying inconsolably - thankfully, it was four in the afternoon and no one was around. The smell, the water, the altar, the pews...it was all too familiar. I'm not sure if the crying was because I felt guilty that I hadn't been in such a long time or what, I think it was guilt. Because here I was struggling and now I was coming to God for strength after so many years had passed. I was mad at myself that I didn't continue what I was raised to believe because even though I was crying uncontrollably there was something peaceful about being in that church. It was cleansing in a strange sort of way.

Today, I went to church. I put in a prayer request for my friends. When I heard the pastor say their names out loud to all these strangers it was incredibly moving, even now as I type that it's incredibly moving. I'm going back next week.

29 Day Giving Challenge - Today I gave $2 at church. However, now I wish I would have given them the $5 dollar bill I had in my purse.